Beneath a Mountain of Tissue, Our Heroine Lies


I am sick! Everyone I know is sick though, so this was inevitable. The first week I’ve had off in 4 months and I have a sore throat that could rival that of a well-versed hooker! Naturally my sore throat is due to illness, and not being a skank. I had some big plans for today, I was going to do a winter-time overheaul of my room because I am only going to be living at home for another 4 1/2 months. YEEEESSSSS! I am freaking excited. I can’t wait! I’m not really sure where I’ll end up, but it doesn’t even matter. No more family not wearing pants around the house!
I have discovered that I must indeed get a gift for my step-dad’s mother. I don’t like buying gifts for people like this. I don’t even want anything from her, and I don’t want to get her anything. Damnit! Now I have to enter the crowded malls in order to seek out some sort of sweet gift for her.

5 Responses to “Beneath a Mountain of Tissue, Our Heroine Lies”


  1. 1 Xrayeagle December 13, 2005 at 3:24 am

    Get her a son that knows how to wear pants and not be useless!

    Zing!

  2. 2 Ultra Toast Mosha God December 13, 2005 at 1:29 pm

    By her a really complicated Transformer that her aged hands will be unable to master.

    Laugh like a maniac at her incompetence, then grab it off her and transform it before her eyes.

    Explain that it is a toy for 5 year olds, and walk away shaking your head.

    She will never expect a gift from you again, nor will you be asked to give one by her deeply insulted relatives

  3. 3 Joe December 13, 2005 at 3:22 pm

    I find that used tissues are always a thoughtful gift.

  4. 4 LMizzle December 13, 2005 at 6:08 pm

    Ultra, that was amazing! Wait…I should get her one of those electronic dinosaurs that are controlled by a remote….she won’t know what the tits to do!

    Joe, as usual you have combined function with formalities. You’re like Martha Stuart but better looking!

  5. 5 Ultra Toast Mosha God December 14, 2005 at 12:25 pm

    Where are these mystical breasted dinosaurs?

    They must be a website for our ilk out there somewhere.

    ‘Scale Models’ or ‘Lounge Lizards’ or something..


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