The Logic of Steve

So, to set this story up, let me say that we have a “fart jar.” Any time one of us farts anywhere outside of the bathroom, but in the apartment, we have to pay the jar $1. I made this rule up because the apartment is small, and Steve,my, and the dogs’ farts would fill up the apartment so fast we’d all suffocate.

Steve:”Oh man, I’m gonna fart on Winston!”
Lifts leg and sits halfway onto Winston

Me: “Don’t you dare.”
I proceed to throw daggers with my eyes…

Steve, realizing that I will murder him: “Pfft, you know I won’t. That will cost me a DOLLAR!”

….

“Oh yeah, and it’s mean.”

Diamonds are a dog’s best friend?

So I’m reading Modern Dog, and I come across an ad for diamonds for dogs…it said, “dogs deserve real diamonds.”
“Small 14 karat white gold bone shaped i.d. tag embedded with 1/3 carat of colorless round brilliant diamonds. Each diamond is hand selected to match perfectly.
tag dimensions: 1 1/4 x 3/4 inches

Diamond Information:
F color / VS clarity
1/3 carat total weight “
Yes, friends. For only $2000, you too can buy your dog a diamond encrusted tag.

I don’t know about you guys, but one of my dogs eats crap for a living, so I think that buying my dog diamonds is pretty retarded. I mean, I can’t even afford to own real diamonds, why the hell would I put them on my dogs???

Now a dog made of diamonds, that’s sweet.

Actually, if they encrusted a turd with diamonds, then I’d have a dog who would be sold on the idea.